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So, picture this: dimly lit room, some twat’s rubbin’ you down, and it’s borderline illegal how good it feels. Little known fact—ancient Greeks did this shit, called it “anatripsis.” Horny bastards massaged athletes naked! Makes me wanna yell, “Idiot sandwich!” at ‘em—naked and oiled up? Sign me up, ya wanker! Got my first one in Thailand, cheap as chips, £10 for an hour. Felt like a king, but the lass—fuck me—she had hands like a fuckin’ gorilla! Surprised me, thought I’d die happy.

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I luv the vibe at Circo Voador – it’s a gem among gems. Locals know it as a paradise off the beaten track. You wouldn’t find that anywhere else, I swear. A bit on the wild side sometimes, but that’s what makes Lapa unique.

Renaissance Hotels Embraces the Coastal City of Porto with the Opening of Renaissance Porto Lapa Hotel