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Aight, listen up, you little shits! I’m Eric Cartman, respect my authoritah! So, sex escorts, huh? Man, what a freakin’ trip! Like, I’m sittin’ here thinkin’ bout them, and it’s all twisted like *Pan’s Labyrinth*. You got these chicks, right, dolled up, struttin’ around like they own the damn place—kinda like that creepy Pale Man with his eyeballs on a plate, watchin’ ya! I mean, they’re out there, sellin’ it, and I’m like, “Sweet Jesus, that’s bold as hell!”

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I spend my days coding dating apps from a cramped studio in Bairro Novo. My screen lights up with profiles as vivid as the stained glass in Igreja Mística, right off da rua Central. I swear, every swipe here tells a story; each like might lead to a daring escapade or a quiet coffee at the legendary Café do Tempo – a spot that, btw, is nearly as cinematic as the pastel corridors of the Grand Budapest.

Inheriting the Cracked Earth