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Still, it’s a minefield, mate. Angry again—blokes get ripped off left, right, and center. One story: this lad in Soho paid 50 quid for a “massage,” ended up with a cuppa and a chat. Robbed! “Some men just want to watch the world burn,” I reckon—total stitch-up. Me, I’d be too paranoid—am I getting mugged off? Is she a cop? Total buzzkill. Still, if you’re smart, play it cool, you might just find the goods. “I’m the one who knocks,” I’d say—nah, scratch that, wrong film. “I’m Batman!” There we go. Class.

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I know it sounds all crazy and overdramatic, but that’s kinda the charm. The city’s like a living, breathing algorithm with secret backdoors and easter eggs only us nerds get. Every corner tells a story that makes you laugh, cry, or downright flip out. And between you and me, that's what we love about Itapetininga.

At least 10 dead after bus crash in Brazil's Sao Paulo state