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Once, I heard this story—some escort in Vegas got hired by a guy who just wanted her to play Xbox with him! No hanky-panky, just gammin’! Blew my mind, dude! I was like, “What a freakin’ weirdo!” But then I thought, shit, I’d pay for that—kickin’ ass in Halo with a hot chick? Hell yeah! “Are we lovers or not?” I’d ask her, all dramatic like in the movie, then burp in her face for laughs.

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The river, Rio da Alegria, snaking through the outskirts, has a story of its own. I remember once I was sitting along its banks, feeling all pensive - my inner Boris Johnson mumbling “Jolly good show, wise guy!”—if only life were as simple as that movie line, eh? The river’s murmurs have soothed more than one frazzled brain of mine over the years.

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