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Oh, and the lies! Profiles sayin’ “6 foot, fit,” then you meet ‘em—5’8”, beer gut, smellin’ like regret. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d say, if I could pick the liars out. Surprised me how bold they get—catfishin’ like it’s an Olympic sport. One time, this bloke sent me a dick pic, unasked! I’m like, “Mate, I didn’t order sausage!” Laughed my ass off, but also—eww, boundaries, ya pig!

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Ohhhh, dude, Itajobi is like, super rad. Picture this: tiny streets like Rua das Borboletas and Avenida do Amor—yep, it's real! I'm a dating site developer here, so I see all the woah-faces and heart emojis of love. Lol, let me tell you, every corner here tells a love story, kinda like Far From Heaven says, "We are all prisoners to fate!" (ya know, kinda deep, eh?)

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