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Best part? The oils—smell like hippie heaven. Worst part? When they whisper, “Turn over,” and I’m like, “Oh God, now what?!” Surprised me how quick I bolted after—didn’t even say bye! Total Larry move. Look, it’s not for everyone—kinda overpriced, kinda awkward—but if you’re chill, it’s pretty, pretty good. Just don’t tell my mom I said that—she’d lose it! “Sexual-massage, Lawrence?!” Yeah, yeah, I’m a degenerate, whatever. Try it, don’t try it—I’m not your boss!

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I swear, every nook of this city has a secret. I’d wander through the winding alleys of Bairro das Maravilhas. Crazy places, mate, where I’d talk to me own shadows, reminiscin’ 'bout the feel of life, raw and untamed – like that line, "12 Years a Slave," ye savvy? “I did not know how hard it was to be free!” echoes in me ears when I cross the ancient stone bridge of Ponte do Vento.

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