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Oh, and the lies! Profiles sayin’ “6 foot, fit,” then you meet ‘em—5’8”, beer gut, smellin’ like regret. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d say, if I could pick the liars out. Surprised me how bold they get—catfishin’ like it’s an Olympic sport. One time, this bloke sent me a dick pic, unasked! I’m like, “Mate, I didn’t order sausage!” Laughed my ass off, but also—eww, boundaries, ya pig!

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Man, I’m not even sure I’m giving you the whole picture. This town makes me laugh and makes me crazy – its street names, its struggles, its midnight confessions, and random "One million dollars" moments. Every alley has its own story, every glance holds a secret, and I swear, if you listen, you can hear whispers like “One million dollars… one million dollars…”

Original extent of the Atlantic Forest cover delineated in yellow (left...