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Oi mate, gather round, listen up! Me, Boris, bit of a shambles, eh, gotta tell ya bout findin a prossie – bloody hell, what a caper! *Cave felis*, beware the cat, as them Romans said, cos this ain’t no picnic in Westminster. Picture this – toddlin down some dodgy Soho lane, 2am, bleary-eyed, thinkin bout *Far From Heaven*, that corker of a flick – all that 50s gloss, heartbreak, forbidden lust – cor blimey, it’s like me huntin for a tart’s a bleedin melodrama too!

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Man, this city makes me feel like I’m in a real-life mission, callin’ out like “Hold on to your butts!” Just like in that flick Zero Dark Thirty—“Do you have any idea what you’re up against?”... but, err, with love and lust swirling everywhere! Savvy? Every corner speaks passion.

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