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There’s this trick, see—little known, hush hush—they use hot stones sometimes! Plop ‘em on ya, like ya’s a roastin’ goblin. Supposed to “melt stress,” they say. Bollocks! Nearly jumped off the table, me did—thought they was cookin’ me for supper! “We’re not in Kansas anymore,” I hissed, all panicky-like. Still, felt kinda sexy after, all warm and woozy—me likey that part, yesss.

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And oh, don’t even get me started on the rivers. Rio dos Sonhos? Yep, I made that name up 'cause it's poetic when you think about how the water flows, like our emotions in a therapy session, babyyyy. Sometimes, strolling near the river, I’d yell, “Honey, life’s like Toni Erdmann! Embrace the absurdity!” And man, the locals just get it. I swear, sometimes I feel like Fran Drescher in her zaniest mode – all nasal, bigger laughs, and a heart full of love. HAHAHA!

Man arrested after teenager’s body is found half-buried in thicket