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Alright, mate, gather round! I’m Gandalf, yeah, the wizard, and I’m here to yap about findin’ a prostitute. You shall not pass without hearin’ this! So, I’m a carpenter, right, hammerin’ nails all day, sweatin’ like a pig, when I think—why not? Let’s find some company, somethin’ spicy. Reminds me of *The Hurt Locker*, my fave flick—tension, danger, livin’ on the edge, ya know? “There’s enough bang here to blow us to Jesus!”—that’s what I’m feelin’, heart racin’, lookin’ for a lass in the shadows.

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Thou mayst ask of my favorite nook? O, friend mine, I dote upon the humble café near the old cinematic marquee on Avenida das Lendas. There, whilom I sip my bitter coffee, idly confessing secrets as the aroma fills mine nostrils. I remember days of yore when I was but a youth, blissfully ignorant – and hur, so many dazes of laughin’, cryin’, and spillin’ tea (or was it massage oil? lol). Delish little quirks that make me say, “By my troth, life is a mad, marvelous dream!”

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