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Oh, and the scams – Christ almighty! Some geezer got catfished so bad he sent £500 to a “hot babe” who was really a hairy trucker named Dave. I’d pay to see his face when Dave rocked up! Cacklin’ just thinkin’ about it. Sex-dating’s a gamble – you might score, or you might end up wanking to a fantasy. “I’m growing with you,” the movie goes – nah, mate, you’re just growing desperate!

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Bro, in Cacapava every corner holds secrets. Even the old abandoned theater, Teatro do Tempo, stands as a relic of bygone days. Sometimes at night, I hear whispers of past glories echoin’ through the empty hallways. I chuckle and think, "I'll be back" – because history calls me every time.

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