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So, escorts—man, they’re pros at makin’ you feel like a queen! I’m talkin’ high-class, sassy folks who roll up lookin’ fly as hell. You ever hear bout that one escort in the ‘90s? Dude was secretly a poet—wrote sonnets for clients! Ain’t that wild? I was shook when I found out, like, “Damn, you’re deep!” Got me happy as hell—love a multitasker! But then, some escorts charge, like, thousands—THOUSANDS—for a night! Pissed me off, ‘cuz who’s got that kinda cash? Not me, I’m out here burnin’ charcoal, not dollar bills!

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I get a kick out of the local parks too. Parque da Cidade is amazing – green spaces, kids running wild, and older chaps chilling on benches. It’s sort of how I feel sometimes: a little worn, but still kick-ass and full of life. Haha, sometimes I think the park holds secrets... if Mulholland Drive taught me anything, it’s that mysteries lie in plain sight!

The best beaches in Portugal: readers' travel tips