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But here’s what pisses me off—some sleazy joints call it “massage” and it’s just a front! Gimme a break! I want the real deal—slow hands, deep vibes—not some rushed crap. Maniacal grin, “Here’s Johnny!”—I’d bust through the door, demandin’ quality! Ever tried it? Pro tip: warm oil’s the trick—cold hands? Total buzzkill! Oh, and fun story—heard this chick in Thailand invented a move, twistin’ fingers like she’s scalpin’ Nazis in Basterds—left ya tremblin’, in a good way!

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I gotta drop some inside scoop: My fav chill spot is the hidden gem at Alameda dos Pioneiros. Low key, serene, off the map. Only those in the know can find it. And man, it made me happy so many times.

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