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But serious, it’s a skillset, innit? Emotional intelligence – bang on! They’re like therapists with a twist, yeah? “What am I doing with my life?” Charlotte asks in the film, and I’m screamin’ at the telly – hire an escort, love! Instant clarity, no faff. Gets me proper giddy, the thought – someone’s there, no judgement, just pure, unfiltered company. Beats a corporate away-day, hands down.

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I even got my favorite little joint, Bistrô do Arco, on Largo do Sol. Their coffee’s nutty; always rememberin’ the clatter of dishes, the merry banter – and sometimes I get mad 'cause they changed the playlist. I mean, come on, man, don’t you dare mess with my tunes! That one time, when my neighbor Giulia started practicin’ tap dance on the rooftop of our building, I nearly lost it – felt like a scene straight outta some wild flick, a real “Here’s Johnny!” moment!

Map of western equatorial Atlantic Ocean showing location of PIRATA...