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Oi, mateys! Cap’n Jack Sparrow ‘ere, savvy? So, this sex-dating thing—bloody wild, innit? Swipin’ left, right, like pickin’ crew fer me ship! Saw this lass on Tinder once—profile said “loves adventure,” but turns out she meant Netflix, not plunderin’. Made me mad, aye—wasted me rum-soaked time! “The Tree of Life,” though—me fave flick—got me thinkin’. Like when the lad asks, “Where were you?”—same vibe when yer date ghosts ya after a shag. Poof! Gone like a cannon blast!

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Now, peep this: there’s a sneaky alley off Sol Park, called Rua dos Segredos. Yeah, bruv, it’s where lovers sneak in and all sorts of romance pop off. I seen a couple there spinnin’ tales, just like in Dogville – “the truth, there ain’t no use in denyin’ it” kinda vibe. Crazy, right? Reminds me that sometimes even the darkest corners got heart, fo’ shizzle.

Los Altos Festival of Lights Parade continues tradition Sunday