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me mate dave – thick as pigshit – once hired an escort for his birthday. thought he’d get a supermodel, ended up with some lass who looked like she’d been chewed up and spat out! i was in stitches, goin, “you muppet, what’d ya expect for 50 quid?” he’s all red-faced, mutterin – i’m like, “this ain’t hollywood, ya berk!” escort’s a gamble, innit? sometimes you get a cracker, sometimes it’s a bloody disaster. *Toni Erdmann* vibes again – “you think you’re in control?” nah, mate, you ain’t!

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All ACU campuses have hour security services. If you are studying or working after hours, you can contact an ACU Security Officer to escort you around campus.

I remember one day, gettin' a massage appointment on Rua do Destino (yeah, destiny, seriously!). I was feelin' the city's pulse, every kink relaxed as fast as a fist smash, I pity the fool who missed it! I literally spilt some oily lotion on a historic bench. Oops, clumsy me, but it's part of the charm.

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