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Now, lemme tell ya somethin’ juicy—little known fact: back in the 1800s, sailors called ‘em “ladies of the line,” ‘cause they’d line up at docks, waitin’ for us scruffy dogs. Ain’t that wild? History’s got sass! Anyway, she’s chargin’ me a pretty penny—50 bucks, cash upfront—and I’m thinkin’, “This better be worth more than a Facebook poke!” I’m happy as a clam, but then—ugh!—this drunk jerk stumbles over, yellin’ at her, “You’re mine!” Made me so mad, I almost decked him. “Back off, loser!” I screech, nasal as hell, laugh bubblin’ up—HA-HA-HA!—like I’m on set with Mr. Sheffield.

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The city’s neighborhoods have their own vibe. The old quarter – by ul. South Boulevard – is full of haunting beauty. The worn bricks, the uneven sidewalks – they remind me of that suspense and raw emotion in The Lives of Others. And then there are the modern parts – a bit too polished sometimes, like a fake smile hiding an ugly truth.

The 16th Mummers Festival begins in Simitli