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Srsly, tho, it’s not all perfect. One time, this dude’s hands were, like, too rough—total mood killer. I was, like, “Um, excuse me, sir, chillax!” Reminded me of Simin in the movie yelling, “You don’t know me!” So savage, I stan. But when it’s good? Oh honey, it’s good. You’re, like, floating—sexual-massage is my escape pod. I’d die without it, no cap. Try it, besties, you’ll be, like, “Kim was so right!”

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I swear, sometimes I get mad ‘bout the constant Wi-Fi issues. So annoying! But then I remember that those typos in my code make me laugh. LOL. Dating profiles, like those in my work, have way too much "wolf power" sometimes. “Sell me this pen!” moments, ya feel?

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