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Now, don’t ye go thinkin’ it’s all lewd—nah, it’s art, mate! Them Thai lassies, twistin’ ye like a pretzel, crackin’ yer bones, then slidin’ into somethin’ spicier—exaggeratin’? Mayhaps, but me mind’s a whirl! Ever hear o’ “lingam” massage? Aye, them eastern folk, worshippin’ the ol’ lad down there—respect, I say! Had me laughin’ like a hyena, picturin’ meself struttin’ out, proud as a peacock.

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Oh, dear soul, thou must visit the Wellington Museum, a marvel, yea! Its hallowed halls sing of olden battles and wisdom beyond measure. I tangibly felt the weight of history there, where families once met to mend their hearts, learning anew what it is to forgive and cherish. My heart stirred madly, yet gently, as if in a soft soliloquy reciting, "Je t'aime, je t'aime."

The Baltimore Orioles wanted to pitch better, so they asked the University of Waterloo for help