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So, last week, I tried it—yep, ol’ Bernie got a sexual-massage. Hands slidin’ over me, tension meltin’, and I’m thinkin’, “This is what the workin’ class deserves!” Felt so good I almost yelled, “Tax the rich!” mid-session. The masseuse—god bless her—knew tricks I didn’t expect. Did you know some use hot stones to, uh, “enhance” things? Blew my damn mind! I was happy, floatin’, like Celine sayin’, “It’s like I’m waking up,” from the movie. Pure bliss, folks!

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Ty, but seriously, people call me a relax guru around here ‘cause I can spot stress like a red flag. I often wander around questioning, "Isn’t life just a collection of small, perfect moments?" I srsly adore the secret garden behind Laurel Lane; its wild roses smirk at passersby like nature’s inside jokes.

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