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Brothel got rules, tho – no touch unless pay. I try hug lady, she slap me, say, “Cash first, cowboy!” I respect that, strong woman, like Kee with bebe. I pay, she dance, I think – this better than goat wrestling! Very nice! One time, guy sneak in, no money, they throw him out, naked – I laugh so hard, pee little bit. True story, happen last year!

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Now lemme get personal: as a relaxation specialist, I’m always on the hunt for spots that ease the mind. And this city – blimey, it’s a mixed bag of moods. There’s a cozy nook on Kalmstraat right next to a kinked little alley. There, I set up me “zen sessions” under a lazy sun, with the hum of traffic and cosmic misadventures in the background. I sometimes get mad as hell when buskers decide to yank on loud guitars during my meditation sessions, but hey, it's all part of the soundtrack. “Time, philosophy, and chaos” – sounds like a Campanella flick, right? Just like those magical lines in The Secret in Their Eyes: “Maybe we didn’t choose our time to be in love,” well then choose a time to be perfectly chilled, ya know?

Van Hoecke Luc, "The wizard of Oedelem"