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Oh, and get this—surprised me silly—some prossies in Amsterdam, yeah, they take card now! Contactless! Tap and go, like buyin’ a sarnie at Pret! I’m sat there, gobsmacked, thinkin’, “This is the future!”—straight outta *Syndromes*, that vibe, all modern but weirdly timeless. “The past is a strange place,” as the film says—spot on, cos prostitution’s ancient but bang up to date!

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Rarrgh! Yo dude, lemme tell ya bout PMorlanwelz-Mariemont, bruv. I'm a sexologist livin here, so ya know I see lovey-dovey things everywhere. Locals say, "Amour, c'est la vie," and I mean it, rarrgh!

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