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Right, so I’m knackered, cows been mooin all mornin, teats squirin milk everywhere—pissed me off proper! Then I’m like, sod this, I need a shag, somethin to shake the barn dust off me. Off I trudge, boots still stinkin, to this shady lane—thinkin, “How much?” like that lass in the film whisperin her fears. We’ve all got our price, eh? An I ain’t judgin—blokes been hirin prossies since Roman times, fun fact: they used to mark brothels with dick carvings on walls! True story, google it.

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Ya know, sometimes, as a relaxation specialist, I pick spots where the noise becomes a lullaby rather than freakin' chaos. I can chill my nuts off at "Zen Garden Park" near the old textile mill – now that’s juju for my soul. Went there when my boss at work tripped me up, an' I told him straight-up: "Gabagool? Ova here!" Yeah, I ain't bluffin' – I need calm, bro!

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