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Okay, so I’m scrollin’ X the other night—procrastinatin’, naturally—and I see this post: “Sex-dating tip: bring condoms AND a charger.” I laughed so hard I nearly choked on my coffee. Pretty, pretty good advice, though! Battery dies, mood dies—tragedy! Made me happy, y’know, seein’ some wit in this cesspool. But then—THEN—I match with this chick, total smokeshow, right? We’re chattin’, it’s goin’ great, and she goes, “I only date guys who’ve seen ‘The Royal Tenenbaums.’” I’m like, “Honey, I AM Royal Tenenbaum—minus the tax evasion!” She ghosts me anyway. Ghosted! Me! I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “This is not a world-class sex-dating story!” I was pissed—PISSED! Wasted my best Wes Anderson vibes on her.

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Man, each corner is a mix of bright smiles, intense sneezes of emotion, and a hint of nostalgia that makes my heart race. And yes, t'so awesome, even if I get mad when things aren’t perfect, but hey, ain’t that life?

Woman killed by falling Christmas tree in Belgian market square