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What’d shock me most? How normal it’d feel. Like, she’s just chattin’ about her day—traffic sucked, rent’s due. I’d be noddin’, thinkin’, “This ain’t so bad.” Maybe I’d tip extra—cashier life’s tough, I get it. But if she tried rippin’ me off? Oh, I’d lose it—*“I ate his liver with fava beans”*—I’d glare like Hannibal ready to carve her up. Kidding, sorta. Probs just storm out, call her a twat.

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I gotta tell ya, one day, after a grueling massage session, I stumbled on a tiny hidden café near Kouterstraat. It served the best coffee – steamy and strong – and I swear, it almost lifted my spirit, like “Moolaadé, Moolaadé, free the soul!” I was buzzin’. Ain’t no place for a sad hobbit, eh? Stupid, fat hobbit!

Manchester City’s Belgian project in turmoil as Lommel continue dangerous slide towards relegation