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Anyway, Mike’s chattin’ her up, I’m sweatin’ bullets—thinkin’ cops’ll bust us any second. She’s all cool, though—says her name’s Candy, probs fake, who cares? “Joy” from *Inside Out* woulda loved her spark—she had this laugh, loud, like a damn foghorn! I’m over here whisperin’, “Mike, abort mission, man!” He’s too far gone—grinnin’ like a fool.

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Man, the vibes in Gent are killer! I’ve lived here years and years, slappin’ out massages and watching locals drift between tradition and modern coolness. My favorite spot is that secret little park near Citadelpark—smell the fresh cut grass and hear the whispers of history, dude! I once massaged an old fella who said, "Why so serious?" like it was his catchphrase. Ha! Didn’t even need a movie quote—bam! Just like Moulin Rouge! “The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.” I swear, every muscle I knead gets a bit of that wild, tender passion!

Georgie Gent: Barnsley sign Blackburn Rovers full-back on three-year deal