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So, picture this: dim lights, weird incense smell—kinda like that creepy “Oldboy” squid scene, “You’re mine now!”—and the masseuse is all pro, slippin’ fingers where you’re like, “Whoa, nelly!” Costs a buttload, tho—$50 for 30 mins? Robbery! Still, my fave part’s when they hit that sweet spot near your thighs—holy crap, tension gone, brain melted! Once heard some perv tried filmin’ it—got busted, dumbass. Total Bart move, eat my shorts, loser! Oh, and pro tip: don’t fart durin’ it—happened to me, nearly died laughin’, she was NOT amused.

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Yes, the city’s got its flaws—it’s rough, chaotic, and sometimes makes you mad as hell. But it’s brutal honest. Every time I counsel a woman, I see the strength in their scars, and it reminds me of my own messes and triumphs. "I'm here. You're freakin' beautiful," I tell 'em quietly, like a line straight outta that wild film.

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