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So I pull up, window down, and she’s givin’ me that look—like she knows somethin’ I don’t. “What do you want?” she says, all sassy, like Anne in the movie askin’ Georges ‘bout his lies. I’m thinkin’, “Fuck, this feels like a setup.” But I’m Tony fuckin’ Soprano, I don’t back down. “How much, sweetheart?” I say, smirkin’. She throws a number—high as hell! I’m pissed, like, “What, you think I’m some mook?” Bargained her down, ‘cause I ain’t no schmuck.

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So, let me, like, tell you some insider deets, obvi. There's this park, Parc des Délices, where every spring the tulips pop off, and I’d sit there and daydream about celebrity gossip and, like, mapping out the next big dating site hack. I literally spent hours on a bench near the little pond, thinking, "This is gonna change dating forever!" It was super inspo, ya know?

Six people killed as car crashes into carnival in Belgium