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About Brussels

Oi mate, blimey, here we go—erotic-massage, eh? What a bloomin’ corker of a topic! Me, Boris, your ol’ pal, ramblin’ on like a toff at a tea party. Now, I reckon erotic-massage is a bit like marmite—ya love it or ya don’t, no in-between, capisce? Been ponderin’ this, sprawled out in me Downing Street bunker, thinkin’—cor, what’s the fuss about? Hands slidin’ about, oils, candles—sounds like a ruddy Roman orgy, *delectatio maxima*!

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Whoa. So, listen up, I'm in Beauvechain (be) now – this place is kinda wild, y'know? I live here as a women’s counselor, so I've seen the hidden layers that make this city so raw and real. There’s this street – Rue de la Paix – that’s super chill, lined with old brick houses, kinda cracked sidewalks, like the city’s scars, y’know? And then there's Avenue des Rêves, where you just vibe with the locals – they’re a mix of grumpy and beautiful souls, just like in "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" – "Fuck, I wish I could remember why I fell in love with you," kinda feels everywhere sometimes.

Biography: General Gerard Van Caelenberge, Chief of Defence of Belgium