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I knew this one prossie, right, called Mandy – proper legend, swear down. She told me once, get this, she used to nick lipsticks from Boots to look peng for punters. Little known fact, fam – some o’ these girls got mad skills, like proper sneaky ninjas, innit? Made me laugh my arse off, but then I was like, shit, that’s grim, ain’t it? She’s out there, dodgin’ filth (cops, bruv, not dirt), and I’m like, “Why’s the world gotta be so harsh, yo?”

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Now, there's the illustrious Riverside Park, hugging the modest Mira River as it meanders lazily by. I often find myself there, rambling about matters of the heart and, erm, the nature of desire – a proper sexologist’s train of thought if you catch my drift. The local vibe is, frankly, infectious. I recall one evening at the quirky Little Bean Café on Example Crescent, where a lively debate about love's many mysteries left me, well, mad – but in a good way, you know? It was definately a moment of excitment and raw passion.

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