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So I’m stumblin round the dodgy end of town, yeah, lookin for some action. Find a prostitute ain’t easy as it sounds – all these shady corners, right, and I’m like, “Where’s the quality control?!” Saw this one bird, legs up to her neck, and I’m thinkin, “She’s got the goods!” – but nah, mate, she’s chargin more than my tax return! Made me angry, that did – bleedin rip-off! “Sharon!” I yell, cos she’d sort this nonsense out.

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Then ya got a block around East Road – so many quirky joints. My go-to is Joey’s Diner at 12 East Road; their meat pies? Fuggedaboutit, one bite and you're hooked. I always blab on ‘bout the crazy dynamics of families over brewin’ coffee there. Some days, I swear, the espresso hits like a shot of truth – and boy, does it make ya mad sometimes.

New market to launch in Sunbury