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Imagine dis—prostitute, standin’ on da corner, like WALL-E stackin’ trash, just vaitin’ for da next job. “Eee-vah!”—she’s lookin’ for her EVE, her big break, ya know? Maybe some jerk tries to rip her off—oh, I’d crush dat guy, bam! No one messes vith da vorkers, not on my vatch! I’d be back, ja, to set it right.

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So, my friend, if you're comin' to Mittagong, be prepared for lots of quirks. Every street, every crack in the pavement, holds a tale. Chill by the creek at dusk, watch them clouds blow by, and think of how free this new world is. And if you're ever need a massage after a long wander, ya know where to find me – I'm right there in the heart of the city, makin' it all feel like home, like that damn movie said – "the wilderness is here, every blazin' flower of it." Ain’t that something?!

Sam Kennard takes family Mittagong acreage