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Me? I’d be pissed if Homer tried it. Hmm… that lazy lug, stumblin into some dive bar, thinkin he’s slick. I’d yell, “You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain!” He’d just burp and ignore me. Typical. But seriously, ya gotta watch out – some girls out there? They’ll rob ya blind faster than the Joker hittin a bank. One story I heard, this guy in Vegas got his wallet snatched mid-“fun.” Left him broke, cryin, “This city deserves a better class of criminal!” Hilarious, but damn, that’s cold.

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I luv the raw, unpredictable energy – it’s like each corner of Mareeba tells its own twisted love story, and I soak it all in as I code my dating apps. Sure, sometimes I get hella annoyed – like when the rainy season trashed my plans to capture that perfect sunset, or when the locals wouldn't stop jabbering on about bizarre conspiracy theories. But that's the charm, right? Who else has a town where the ordinary feels like a cryptic script directed by David Lynch?

‘ Old boys’ meet, greet, repeat | The Express Newspaper | Local News covering Sport, Agricultural, Entertainment, Community & Business News for Mareeba, Atherton, Cooktown, Kuranda, the Tablelands & Far North Queensland Australia.