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Den dere’s da other escort—ya know, *wink wink*, da “company” kind. Tropical Malady got dat vibe too, “You smell like da tiger,” all sensual and weird. Dis one time, heard ‘bout dis escort chick in Bangkok—clients paid her in gold bars, not cash! Gold bars, can ya believe? She’d strut in, all classy, den vanish like a ghost. Made me mad tho—why gold? Cash ain’t good enough? Pfft, greedy much?

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Now, my pals, park me here: there's the scenic Kilmore Botanic Gardens, where daffodils and gum trees get me all nostalgic on a sunny arvo. I often stroll there after a long day massaging aching shoulders. Sometimes, i get lost in my thoughts – “C'mon baby, be like Carlos, you know?” Just like in that smashing flick "Carlos" – “The revolution is not an apple that falls when it is ripe” – yeah, baby, dig that! I mean, life here is a sorta eclectic revolution in its own right.

Harness racing trainer Emma Stewart trains the card at Kilmore