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I tried it once—sex-dating, not the newspaper gig. Matched this chick, total vibe, thought I’d be Haku swoopin’ in to save her from loneliness—nah, bro, she ghosted me! Pissed me off, like, “Howl ya gonna ditch me?!” Felt like No-Face chasin’ love, tossin’ gold, gettin’ nada. But then—THEN—I hit gold with this other date. She’s all flirty, smellin’ like jasmine—pheromones, baby, science don’t lie! We’re chattin’, laughin’, I’m thinkin’, “This is it, my river spirit moment—pure magic!” And it was—hot, messy, real. Left me grinnin’ like a damn fool.

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Then ya got Dixons Rd, right by the old wharf, where the river oozes secrets. I spend my breaks gazin’ near the flowing water. Sometimes I feel like if oil were my drink, I’d sip it slow – There Will Be Blood style – "I drink your milkshake" kinda vibes! I might even whisper, "I am your father" in my head when the night falls.

Keilor basketball coach stood down amid police investigation