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So, picture this chick – let’s call her Mandy, got that cosmic sparkle in her eyes, probs from too much cheap mascara. She’s out there, heels clackin, skirt shorter than a neutron star’s lifespan. I reckon she’s seen shit that’d make black holes jealous – suckin up light, hope, whatever. Little known fact, right? Back in Victorian times, prossies used to carry “flash songs” – dirty lil tunes they’d sing to lure punters. Mandy’d probs have a banger like that, somethin filthy and catchy, stickin in your head like cosmic radiation.

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Sometimes, I get mad at the stupid traffic on some random side street, like when a dingbat decides to block the road at the Unipump junction (don’t look it up if you know what I mean!). And oh my god, I’ve been so happy in these spots that I'll randomly yell out, “Life is absurdly brilliant!” It's all so blunt and weird and perfectly imperfect.

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