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Oh, and the movie tie-in—Certified Copy’s all about what’s real, what’s fake. Perfect for this! I’d be starin’ at her, thinkin’, “Is she into it, or just actin’?” Like Juliette Binoche sayin’, “It’s not the same!” Damn right—am I payin’ for a person or a performance? Keeps me up at night, I swear!

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I’ll be honest – sometimes this city's quirks drive me mad (ay, I’ve had a few instances of online matches ghosting me thanks to a dodgy Wi-Fi on Bitter Street - rubbish, I tell ya), but then there are times when the unexpected acts of kindness from strangers make me happy as a clam. I mean, who wouldn’t be moved by a random compliment on the dating app chats, eh?

Toyworld staff, customers ‘teary eyed’ as mystery man pays off every layby at Helensvale store