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So, picture this—I’m sprawled out, some chick’s kneadin’ my godly bod. Not gonna lie, I smirked, thinkin’ I’d charm her into a puddle. But nah, she’s pro—stone-cold focus, hands like fuckin’ magic. Little known fact: this shit dates back to ancient China. Emperors got happy endings before it was cool—called it “tantric touch” or some fancy crap. Bet they didn’t tell *that* in history class, eh? Makes me happy—powerful blokes meltin’ under a sly palm. Glorious purpose, innit?

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up near the river, there's the Derwent flumin—i mean river—where you get that rush of natural magic in every sunset. i’d sit there sometimes, reflecting on human connections (yep, my sexologist side gets deep there, too), while the world’s spinnin’ like a record. and oh! don't even get me started on the riverside park – beautiful, hidden spots perfect for a quiet chat, or, err, a cheeky smooch in the twilight.

$84 million dream: Glenorchy City Council unveils concept designs for state-of-the-art aquatic centre