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Oi, mate, I’m a lifeguard, ja? Out here on da water, savin’ lives, lookin’ out for trouble. But lemme tell ya ‘bout somethin’ wild—findin’ a prostitue! Ya, I said it, no shame! I’m Arnold freakin’ Schwarzenegger, I see tings others don’t, like in *Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon*. “To be a warrior, ya gotta feel da wind,” right? Well, I felt da wind, and it blew me to dis crazy story.

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I gotta rant: sometimes dates don't work out, and I get super mad. One time, I got stood up at Oceanview Lane, and man, I almost swam away yelling, "Psst, you’re so diving with the fishes!" Haha, true story. But then I'd catch a breath and remember, "Just keep swimming!"

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