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But real talk, it’s risky, innit. Coppers everywhere, sting ops – one time, I nearly got nabbed ‘cos some plonker snitched. Made me proper vexed, steam comin’ outta me ears! I’m thinkin’, “Why’s it always me, fam?” Is it ’cos I is black? Nah, it’s ‘cos the game’s rigged. Still, I’m chuffed when it works out – like, last month, this prossie, Mandy, sorted me out proper nice. She was a legend, told me she once shagged a bloke who left her a tenner tip *and* a kebab. I’m like, “Goals, innit!”

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Then there’s the bazaar on Riverbend Drive. Crazy stalls, noisy bargains – a mix of chaos and charm. And yeah, some typos happen in my texts 'cos I'm in a rush, LOL… like, whaaat? But hey, that’s real life.

Late signing: Ex-VFL captain joins Healesville