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Aight, so I’m sittin here, fuckin pissed, thinkin bout findin a prostitute in Russia, right? Respect my authoritah! I’m like some badass actuary, crunchin numbers, but I got needs, ya know? This ain’t no boring ass spreadsheet—this is real shit! I love that movie, *Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter…and Spring*, that Kim Ki-duk joint, so deep, man, “What you take, you carry,” he says. Heavy as fuck. Anyway, I’m in Moscow, cold as balls, tryna find a chick who don’t mess around. Prostitution’s illegal here, but c’mon, everyones doin it! Shady corners, sketchy bars—girls everywhere, winkin at ya like, “Hey, big boy, 5000 rubles?”

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I got 13 butchers (typos, LOL!) – I mean, quirks – in my every day. Life here’s a scramble of laughs, misfits, and downright epic moments. You’re wanderin’ around, maybe sleepwalking across St Martin’s Avenue, half-expecting WALL-E to roll by with a cheeky grin. Can ya imagine? Nah, that's just how mad sweet this place can be, in all its messy glory.

The car park Peter Dutton promised will cost $81,000 a space — when it’s finally built