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About Melbourne

Last week, my boy Jimmy - he’s a nutcase - says, “T, let’s find one, just to see!” I’m like, nah, fool, I ain’t touchin’ that! But we rolled downtown anyway. Saw this chick, fishnets ripped, smokin’ a cig - looked tired, man, like she’s done. Made me sad, real talk. “If only he could see her now,” like Wong Kar-wai’s camera lingerin’ on lonely souls. Life ain’t fair, yo!

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I’ve had my fair share of calamitous nights here. One time, some numbskull strutted into my parlour all high and mighty, complainin’ about his work life, and I nearly lost my cool – not my fault if he’s a miserable tosser! How many times have I yelled "Idiot sandwich!" in frustration? More than I'd like, too many! And why? Because sometimes, Caulfield-South gives ya moments when ya’re about to smash somethin’.

‘Punches were thrown’: Violence breaks out in Caulfield South hours after arson attack