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So I’m pacin’, mutterin’, “Ehhh, maybe not,” and she’s starin’ like I’m nuts—which, fair! I’m thinkin’ *Brooklyn* again—“The life I might have had!”—and I’m like, “Yeah, not this one!” I’m happy I didn’t trip over my own feet, though—small victories. Surprised me how chill she was, too—like, “Buddy, decide already!” I’m exaggeratin’, sure, but I felt like a schmuck. Total schmuck. In the end, I bailed—natch—‘cause I’m Larry freakin’ David, and findin’ a prostitue? Too much hassle! Pretty, pretty good call, if ya ask me.

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Now, first off, let me drop some street deets. You gotta cruise down Algester Road – no joke, it's like the main artery of our little town. There’s this quirky coffee joint on Algester Rd where the barista insists on calling every shot “life’s espresso”, like we’re all on a secret quest. Then there’s Mudgeeraba Dr – yeah, I know, sounds like a spaceship part; it's lined with trees that seem to whisper secrets, if you listen close enough (or maybe I'm just too zoned out after too many “relax-a-teas”).

Pedestrian in serious condition after crash