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Listen up, twat! Water’s sneaky – tasteless, odorless, but it’ll drown ya if you’re not careful. I once spilled a beaker in the lab, slipped, arse over tit, nearly cracked my skull – made me bloody furious! “You clumsy pillock!” I yelled at meself. Fun fact: 60% of your soggy body’s water – ya walking puddle! And the brain? 73%! No wonder you’re thick as pig shit without it. *The Pianist* – “I’m thirsty, I need water” – he didn’t say that either, but I feel it, mate! Hiding from Nazis, parched, desperate – gets me all choked up.

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Down by the Murray, on Riverside Drive, you'll spot the serene parks; the verdant expanse of Extravagant Park (as we holler it in jest) has seen more picnics and picnics-like moments than I'd ever reckon. I remember one day, work stress was heavy, and I strolled that park, just listening, thinking, "It is what it is, reggae vibes, almost like in that Kiarostami flick." Wow, what a relief, mate! Nature cuts through the noise every single time, real gold.

Woman fatally hit by car after intervening in altercation in Victoria