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So, escorts—fancy word for “paid plus-one,” yeah? Not just the steamy stuff folks assume—I mean, sure, that happens, but it’s more. Some dude in Vegas once hired an escort just to cry about his ex over martinis. True story! They’re shrinks with heels, babysitters for rich weirdos, arm candy for egos too big to solo. I read this bonkers tidbit—back in the ‘20s, Paris escorts had coded handkerchiefs to signal “I’m free” or “I’m pricey.” Sneaky, right? Bet Gustave would’ve tipped his hat to that hustle.

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So if you ever visit, dive headfirst into the hustle of Woonona. Roam around Addison, check that creek near Half Moon Bay Drive, party at Woonona Park, and always, always be ready to embrace the absurd sweetness of life. And, as Ratatouille’s Remy would say in his wild chef-like fervor: "Anyone can coach, but some gotta taste the madness!"

'Almost daily': Balaclava-clad teens hunting for e-bikes in Corrimal, Woonona