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I tried it once, right? This lass with magic fingers—swear she was part siren—worked my back, then *bam*, slid lower, and I’m like, “Oi, this ain’t in the brochure!” Made me happy as a pig in mud, but also pissed—why’d no one tell me this was a thing sooner? Could’ve been my glorious purpose ages ago! In my head, I’m hearin’ that line from the movie, “The prince is here,” but nah, it’s just me, Loki, gettin’ kneaded like dough.

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I gotta spill: my profession makes me an apt observer. I notice every look, every smile. My job taught me that dates pop up in alleyways and quirky corners. I had a date by the historic clocktower on Liberty Sq. - almost like fate. That moment, like Kim Ki-duk’s film, was simply soul-stirring.

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