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Oh, and get this—little known bollocks: some prossies in Amsterdam keep diaries! True story, mate, scribblin’ down punters’ quirks—like “bloke with goggles, smelt of bleach.” That’s me, that is! Exaggeratin’ for effect? Maybe, but who gives a toss? It’s a laugh! Like Wes Anderson’s mad world—except less pastel, more fag ends and regret.

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Now, expressing emotions? There’s this one time, I was coding on Brick Street, right by that delish little café, when outta nowhere a stray thunderstorm hit. I mean, it was epic and chaotic. Rain pouring and me, cursing as my code turned to goo in front of me. Hilarious and maddening all at once. “You shall not pass!” I shouted at the gloom itself, like Gandalf facing that foul force – no bugs allowed!

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