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About Melbourne

You got these girls, right? Standin’ on corners, fishnets up to their asses, smokin’ Pall Malls like it’s 1985. I roll up, window down, and it’s like, “What am I, a fuckin’ ATM?” Prices nowadays—Madonn’, inflation’s hittin’ the hookers too! Back in the day, you’d slip ‘em a twenty, maybe a meatball sub, and boom, done deal. Now they want fifty, sixty, talkin’ bout “gas prices.” Bitch, you ain’t drivin’ nowhere, you’re standin’ there! Made me mad as hell, but I laugh—fuck it, it’s Jersey, whaddya expect?

Classifieds

The city is small but full of, like, so many hidden gems. There's this cute little street called Maple Rde – yes, with a typo, lol – where the perfumed cafes and indie boutiques just scream chic. Seriously, walking down Maple Rde is like stepping into a movie scene, like one of those badass sequences in "Stories We Tell," you know? It’s where everyone’s got a secret, and we all add our own twist to the narrative... totally mind-blowing!

We've looked into the crystal ball to forecast our final BDCA top four