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Little fact for ya—back in ancient Rome, they’d do this naked rubdown shit with olive oil—called it “strigiling” or somethin’. Freaky, right? Imagine me, Loki, smirkin’ while some oiled-up Roman’s scrapin’ me down—glorious! Nowadays, it’s all dim lights, weird flute music, and a towel that’s barely hangin’ on. Last time, this chick’s hands were so soft I nearly proposed—ha! Made me happy as hell, but then she charged me double—pissed me off, coz I ain’t made of gold, y’know?

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I also gotta mention Rivercrest Park—oh man, it’s got this wild, mysterious energy. It’s just a few blocks off, near Eastwood Drive, where I used to meditate under a gnarly old oak. Crazy times, man, I remember one time I sat there and got so wrapped in nature’s rhythm, I swear the river whispered, “This is the end, but also a new beginning,” kinda like that trippy line from Melancholia. I got mad at times, too, when noisy construction near the park disturbed the peace; like, seriously, make it chill already! But then I’d pop on some tunes, take a deep breath, and let it slide, cuz life’s too short to sweat every damn thing.

Liberals pledge funding for renovations at Aris South Springvale FC facilities