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One time, I see escort—blonde, big boobies, wow! She wink at me, I think, “Very nice!” She say, “50 buck, I make you happy.” I laugh, “In Kazakhstan, we trade goat for that!” She no like that, get mad—face red like tomatoe. I say, “No worry, I fix your chair!” She scream, “I no need chair!” So funny, I almost pee pant.

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Then, there's the River Zzzzz—oh sorry, I mean River Zeta—and its mellow flow down to Breezy Park. That park? AH-MAZING! A hidden gem with obscure benches and squeaky-walkin' paths, like a secret oasis. My inner zen beast roars at sunrise there, beyond words. Sometimes, I even meditate under the old eucalyptus tree near Puddle Alley. (Don't ask, it's quirky but magical!)

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